the world too much within us
by Serenader
Summary: AU. Time travel fic. "I'm sorry I was late this morning, Kakashi-sensei. I, uh, got lost on the road of life." Written in ficlets/snippets of a would-be fic. Diverges as of chapter 449. Profanity and non-descriptive violence. Sakura-centric.
1. in which sakura dreams

Author's Ramblings: You know those Naruto fics where Boy Wonder gets to time travel through some unknown jutsu/near-death experience/scroll back to when Team Seven was just starting out and does his little angst thing while changing the past to save his future? Yeah, this is one of them. Sort of. You know, since there's always a omgpowerful!Naruto or repentant!angsting!Sasuke or even both (gods, isn't that a nightmare) who gets to go back in time, I thought, hey, it's Sakura's turn now, right? I mean, sure, there are fics where she goes back and falls in love with Itachi or Yondaime or whatever monstrosity the author feels like putting her through, but there aren't really genfic with her as the shining star, y'know? So, I thought, what the hey? I'll give her a shot. So yeah. There's my whole brain process right there.

Disclaimer: Boy, if I owned the Naruto franchise, I would be rolling in dough, wouldn't I? Huh. Wonder why I'd be writing fanfiction then when I could make anything I want be canon? Le duh.

Warnings: **Be prepared for plotholes and half-assed characterizations.** But hey, I do this for fun, not for the joys of canonverse. This fic is **AU** starting from the most recent chapter of Naruto, meaning that _everything_ in canon gets screwed around with. Beware of recent spoilers and keep an open mind, I guess. Fic is completely unbeta'd.

NOTE: This is not a full-out fic of epic proportions. This is a series of ficlets and snippets of a would-be epic fic in arbitrary order because I don't like writing fics of epic proportions since I can't finish them. This way is much easier and more likely for me to work on regularly as opposed to a real epic!fic which would take me years to crank out a single chapter.

* * *

Haruno Sakura woke up twelve. And this did not surprise her one bit. Why would it? After all, it was her birthday, and shouldn't she expect to wake up twelve after a long year of being eleven? Of course she should. And that was why she woke up exactly twelve years old.

She had an interesting dream on her last night as eleven, but she couldn't quite remember what it was about. It seemed to be very dark, though, very dark and depressing, and she made no attempt to think about it, being a person easily unnerved by things that were not fluffy, cute, and pink. But one thing that stuck in her mind was a pair of sad bright blue eyes and whisker marks on ragged cheeks. That was ignored, though. She had no time to be annoyed by somebody's eyes (unless they were Sasuke-kun's, of course, but his were black, not blue), especially not on the day of her birthday. And if the whisker marks unwillingly reminded her of a certain nuisance plaguing her village, well, she ignored that too.

Because who would want to be thinking about the village reject? Certainly not her. Ino-pig would never let her live it down.

* * *

Sakura greeted her mother with a kiss on the cheek and her father with a firm hug. She sat down in her seat at the kitchen table and ate her ultra-special-congratulations-Sakura-you're-finally-twelve!breakfast with appreciation. Mother did always make the best birthday meals. She beamed brightly at Mother and turned to Father with shining eyes. It was time for her traditional birthday money, and she had been itching to buy this new skirt she saw near Ino-pig's family's flower shop.

Father looked at her expectant face and chuckled, ruffling Sakura's carefully brushed hair, eliciting a scowl on her pretty face. He held out the customary birthday envelope with their family insignia on it with an affectionate smile, and Sakura eagerly took it, squealing her thanks and bowing before rushing out of her seat for the door, yelling that she'd be back by dinnertime. She could hear her father's bellowing laughter and her mother's exasperated voice calling after her to close the door properly behind her as she jammed on her sandals and sprang out the door, pushing it shut as afterthought.

* * *

Sakura walked excitedly down the market path, near skipping as she made way for the shop with the pretty skirt that she wanted to buy. She grinned widely to herself and thought, once I wear this skirt to class, Sasuke will totally notice me and ask me out! The thought made her blush and giggle. Sasuke will see me in a new light now that I'm twelve and totally mature, not like Ino-pig who's still just a child! The thought of Ino-pig made her stop for a moment and decide whether or not she should go into Ino-pig's family's flower shop to buy some flowers for herself.

She squared her shoulders and prepared herself for a confrontation with the girl. Knowing Ino-pig, things could turn ugly very quickly, and she didn't want to ruin her special day with a fight. Holding her head up high and birthday money clutched tightly in her hands, she marched into the flower shop, nodding to Ino-pig's mother who stood outside sweeping the pathway. Ino-pig sat behind the counter, looking bored and out of her wits. Sakura took a deep breath and stared squarely at the blonde girl in the eyes.

"Today is my birthday, Ino-pig," she said, standing in front of the counter. Ino-pig straightened and looked at the pink-haired girl with cool eyes. "I'd like to buy some flowers for myself." Ino-pig sneered a little at Sakura and inspected her nails with disinterest.

"Think yourself special now, huh, now that you're twelve, forehead-girl," said the blonde snidely. Sakura stiffened at the name, but turned her nose up.

"Since I'm twelve now, I find it unnecessary to respond to your immaturity, Ino-pig," she said snootily, placing emphasis on the word immaturity. Ino-pig reddened and opened her mouth for an angry retort when her mother came into the shop, giving her daughter a displeased look. She wilted and looked at the ground as her mother turned to Sakura with a kind smile.

"Sakura-chan, I hear it's your birthday today! Happy birthday! You must be so excited to be twelve," said Ino's mother. Sakura smiled happily and nodded, murmuring her thanks, sticking her tongue out at Ino-pig when her mother wasn't looking. "What would you like, dear?"

"I'd like some lilies, please, ma'am," said Sakura politely. The woman beamed and bustled off to get her flowers. While she wrapped them, Ino's mother gossiped lightly to Sakura about the current news circulating around the village about Hiro-kun finally proposing to his childhood sweetheart that he had spent years tormenting as a boy. Ino-pig watched sullenly behind her mother.

Sakura nodded her thanks and handed her money to Ino-pig, who reluctantly took it, and took the bouquet of lilies that Ino's mother had offered her. She waved goodbye and hurried off to the shop with her pretty skirt, having spent enough time in Ino-pig's presence.

* * *

At dinner time, Mother and Father listened attentively as she ranted to them about Ino-pig and how immature she was and about the new skirt that she had just bought. Mother had made them her special sukiyaki for a change, something Sakura adored eating. She ate with gusto while telling them of her day, feeling like the special twelve-years-old girl that she was.

For dessert, Mother had bought her a big chocolate and strawberry cake and lit twelve pink candles on top. Sakura closed her eyes with glee and made the same wish as last year's. I wish Sasuke-kun will finally notice me! She blew the candles out and opened her eyes to see presents in her father's hands. She squealed with joy and leaned over to give her father a big hug before taking the presents. They had gotten her a new outfit for her to wear to the Academy, red with slits up the thighs and the family sign on the back, and a book on ninjutsu theory. She told her parents with teary eyes that this was the best birthday ever, as she did every year, and gave them another hug and kisses on the cheek before eating her cake.

Before bedtime, Sakura sat down in front of the mirror and carefully brushed her long pink hair. She winced at the tangles and thought briefly of cutting it all off before laughing the idea off, because Sasuke-kun liked girls with long hair and he definitely wouldn't like her if she didn't have long hair. She smiled at herself in the mirror and looked at her new outfit that she hung on her doorknob. Wouldn't Sasuke-kun be dazzled if he saw her in that! Sakura giggled and made way to her bed.

Once she tucked herself in under mountains of pink blankets, she gave a happy sigh and closed her eyes. Yes, this was a wonderful birthday indeed. And so, she went to sleep newly twelve and excited.

* * *

Haruno Sakura woke up twelve and crying. She frowned at the tearstains on her cheeks and wiped them with concern. Had she that bad of a nightmare that she would go so far as to cry while unconscious? It was only a dream, wasn't it? Konoha in ruins, corpses strewn all across the rubble, the skies clouded with dust and air tasting of copper, spilt blood. There was a girl at her feet, Sakura thought, scrunching her face in concentration. A girl with long blue-black hair and body crumpled on the ground. She felt a tang of fear and anger and determination, but it floated away when she tried to fully grasp the feeling. What was so special about the girl? She looked a little like Hinata, now that she thought about it. So a Hinata-look-alike at her feet and Konoha destroyed. Death clinging to the air, cloying and bitter.

Okay, so maybe it was bit of a nightmare, she conceded. She frowned deeper and rubbed at her cheeks. It was just a dream, still, she reassured herself. Konoha was prospering; it would never fall to enemy hands. Their Hokage would make sure of that. Nobody could take down Konoha like that; their ninja were strong.

Sakura took a deep breath and let it out, rolling her head around to get rid of kinks. It was too early in the morning to analyze dreams, and tomorrow, Iruka-sensei would be telling them about their graduation exams. She couldn't risk being late for the Academy just because she stayed up late thinking about fanciful things. She'd be as bad as Naruto!

With a nod to herself, she fell back onto her bed and closed her eyes for sleep to claim her.

* * *

Haruno Sakura woke up twelve, not crying, and incredibly annoyed. She wondered if a plague of dreams came to everybody on their first night as twelve years old or if it was just her. She saw Naruto this time in her dreams, which obviously placed her in the foul mood that she was in right now. Of all the people to dream about, it had to be about that deadlast loser that nobody in the village even liked! Really now! Why couldn't she dream of Sasuke instead? Sasuke and his cool eyes and I-don't-give-a-damn attitude, ooh, wouldn't that be a wonderful dream. Instead of Naruto, she would dream about Sasuke this time, maybe about him proposing to her! Or asking her out! Ooh, what a dream it would be.

As she laid back down on her bed, giggling to herself at her fantasies, she forgot completely about the dream that had woken her up only minutes earlier. Where an older Naruto with broken eyes and a sad mockery of a smile had hugged her tightly and whispered a soft apology in her ears before everything turned black. Where she saw her friends all strewn on the ground, dead. Where she had felt tears flowing down her cheeks and regret drowning her heart.

Where Konoha had died.

* * *

End notes: I really hate rambling at the end of a chapter. But, it is inevitable for me, heh. Anyway, first fic in 3 years, wowza. Should really be getting a beta for these things. Huh. Any willing volunteers with flexible standards? Hah hah. This fic is completely gen, meaning no pairings from me. It sort of pisses me off when I read genfic with some randomly inserted romance that makes a person go, "Wait, what?"

Characterization of characters is hopefully accurate enough. I doubt it, having not paid attention to the series all too much lately. Eh. Whatever. And yeah, I got really nothing to say here, lol. Which is why I said I hate rambling, ffffff. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. We starving authors subsist on a daily serving of reviews, hah hah.


	2. in which sakura wakes

AN: So I tried to write the next chapter, and I spent the entire time trying to go for epic!fic chapter, complete with its twenty-something pages and however-many thousand words. And then, I realized yet again what I've been trying to do, which was attempting to emulate all the great epic!fic writers out there with their hundred thousand word counts and epic of epic plots and chapters and ugh. I just have to stick with my usual hundred to two-thousand word count chapters, and I'll be peachy-keen. Also, as I'm incredibly disorganized and have no actual idea what I want to do with this fic, I keep getting sidetracked. Sigh.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto franchise and all that pertains to it, blah blah blah.

* * *

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess who was loved by all her people. Once, she was kind and gentle to animals, and she listened to the elderly when their own children refused to. Once, she was locked in a lonely castle with only the animals as companions. Once, her people could nothing, and she was left to live isolated from the world.

Once, the princess despaired.

* * *

At eight-fifty, Sakura woke up with a start, feeling dried tear tracks on her face. Her alarm clock rang weakly from where it had been thrown into the wall. But Sakura took no notice of the sheer ridiculousness of the sight because she was late late late. Imagine. Today, her first day as a genin and she was going to end up late!

She hurriedly pulled on her sleeved-cheongsam and shorts, pausing just a bit to smooth out the wrinkles that had appeared from her mishandling of her clothing. She brushed her hair roughly, cursing to herself when her brush hit several tangles. There were quite a few strands of pink hair left in her brush when she had finished, but she paid no mind. She stared at herself in the mirror of her vanity and opted for light lipgloss instead of the usual blush and mascara. There was simply no time.

Sakura glanced at her new hitai-e that she had worked so hard to get and couldn't help but grin. She was a real ninja now, one of the village's most trusted protectors. Puffing with pride, she picked up the hitai-e and tied it back on her head, leaving bangs to frame her forehead. There, all done. She beamed at her reflection before remembering that she was late with a yelp.

She rushed down the stairs into the kitchen where Mother and Father were, eating breakfast as per usual. Mother caught sight of her slightly disheveled appearance and sighed, pushing Sakura to sit down in front of a plate of eggs and toast.

"Eat your breakfast quickly, dear. Really, your first day as a genin and you're already cutting it close," said Mother with exasperation. Sakura flushed with embarrassment and shoved a forkful of eggs into her mouth before standing up.

"I'm done! Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" said the pink-haired genin through her mouthful of food. She swallowed with difficulty, chugged down a glass of milk, and ran for the doorway without waiting to her parents' response. She slipped on her sandals and shouted, "I'm off!" before running out of the door for the Academy.

* * *

Sakura arrived thankfully a few minutes short of the start of class. She sighed with relief and smoothed down her hair and clothes, trying her best to make herself look presentable before entering the classroom. She took a deep breath and slid open the door, stepping in.

The first thing that hit her was a disturbingly strong sense of déjà vu. She'd done this before. No, wait, she hadn't. Sakura shook her head. Of course not. This was her first day as a genin, why would it have happened before?

Spotting an open seat next to Sasuke-kun, her thoughts flew out of mind, and she immediately raced towards the seat. She stopped in front of Naruto and another classmate, who were arguing animatedly about something, with irritation. Trust the village dunce to be blocking her way to Sasuke-kun's love. She placed her hands on her hips and cleared her throat. Naruto immediately looked up and when he saw Sakura standing in front, his face lit up.

For some strange reason, Sakura's heart clenched for a moment and she felt the inexplicable sensation of tears welling up in her eyes. A voice sounding exactly like her own echoed through her head, saying, _I missed him_. Bewildered and a little annoyed, she shook those thoughts out of her head and quickly wiped her watery eyes.

"Will you let me through?" she asked Naruto irritably. Said boy immediately reddened, and Sakura could tell exactly what he was thinking at the moment. She shuddered. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Not in a billion years, idiot. And she said just as much, jabbing a finger in his face, while sneaking a glance over at her beloved Sasuke-kun.

Of course, Naruto chose that time not to listen to her anymore and started glaring at Sasuke-kun instead. Sakura rolled her eyes, with the thought in her mind, _What boys. Always fighting as usual._ But… that wasn't her usual reaction. Sakura frowned. Since when did she loop _Naruto_ with _Sasuke-kun_ together and think of them both with exasperated fondness?

She shook her head again. There were more important things. Like getting that seat next to Sasuke-kun that Naruto still hadn't given to her yet. So she pushed Naruto's head out of the way, and quickly claimed the seat, ignoring the blonde's pained yelp as he hit the table. All's fair in love and war, after all.

Inner Sakura crowed with triumph and with burning determination, and danced wildly inside her mind, shouting that today would be the day she claim those luscious lips of Sasuke-kun. Sakura blushed on the outside and sneaked glances at the stoic Uchiha sitting next to her, and doubled over when she saw Naruto way too close to Sasuke-kun's face for comfort.

Scowling, she growled at the blonde trouble maker. "Naruto! What the hell are you doing?"

And then, _it_ happened.

* * *

_I remember this scene. This exact scene._

Sakura looked on in horror as Naruto's cursed lips fell upon Sasuke-kun's sacred ones, and screamed in mental agony. She felt something bubbling in her chest and rose up from her seat in shock and growing fury. Naruto and Sasuke-kun quickly sprang apart and began wiping their lips with vigor.

Her knees suddenly gave out, and Sakura slumped to the ground in muted shock. But just a side of her was trembling with rage, an even bigger part threatened to burst with laughter. A giggle slipped out, and then another one.

The class watched in silence as Haruno Sakura broke into hysterical laughter, incident completely forgotten.

* * *

Once upon a time, Sakura never wanted to be the gentle princess trapped inside the castle. Once, she didn't care about scraped knees or boys seeing her underwear when she slid down the slides. Once, she stuffed her mouth full of sweets until the sun came up and didn't care about the mess.

Then puberty came along, and obviously, something went haywire.

* * *

Her stomach did not so much as growl as it did a credible impression of a dying animal that just had its organs ripped out. Haruno Sakura, twelve years old and recently made ninja (although that's kind of moot right now), hurriedly slapped a manicured hand over her stomach and glanced around quickly to see if her teammates noticed. Neither did. Slightly offended but mostly relieved, Sakura gave a sigh and squatted, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

Dieting sucked. But Sasuke-kun preferred skinny girls, so this was something she'd have to endure.

Sakura pouted to herself and stared down at the gravel beneath her sandals. Stupid Kakashi-sensei, being late and all. How long did it take for a guy to wake up, brush his teeth, get dressed, eat his breakfast, and meet his students at the training grounds? But then, he was always like that, even during missions. Kakashi-sensei's tardiness was something Sakura could always count on, even when everything else shot to hell.

As if on cue, the silver-haired jounin poofed into appearance with a jaunty wave of his hand. Sakura's wandering thoughts were quickly forgotten as she joined in with Naruto scolding her teacher. It never occurred to the girl that she had just referred to Kakashi-sensei in past tense, something a person only did when he or she have known another for a very long time. Because that was preposterous anyhow.

She'd never met this man before.

* * *

Sakura jumped from branch to branch, eyes darting everywhere for Sasuke-kun. Where was he? She panicked for a moment, trying to imagine him already defeated by Kakashi-sensei. But no, of course not! This was Sasuke-kun, the number one rookie of their class. No way would Sasuke-kun lose. She nodded to herself and almost missed that unmistakable flash of silver. She hid immediately behind thick shrubbery, a safe distance from her would-be teacher. Okay. He didn't see her yet. This was good. This meant the possibility of an ambush.

"Sakura-chan, behind you," said a familiar voice. Sakura caught snatches of images (Kakashi in crutches, Kakashi reading his porn, Kakashi smiling at her) in her mind, too quick for her to understand. She shook her head. Now was not the time to start hallucinating because of hunger pangs. She looked behind and jumped in fright as Kakashi-sensei stared down at her with his only eye, unblinkingly.

Oh no.

He made a rat sign and dispersed into leaves that began to swirl around her. Sakura's eyes lidded and stared at the leaves in daze until they suddenly disappeared within a blink of an eye. She quickly snapped out of her trance and got into a semi-battle position before realizing there was nobody in the clearing. She blinked and glanced back and forth for Kakashi-sensei who had somehow disappeared from her senses.

"What the hell? What was that? Where's sensei?" she cried out in semi-hysteria. Instead of a reply, she heard a pained grunt and an exhalation of her name.

"Sakura." That was Sasuke-kun's voice! She whirled around with an excited exclaimation, "Sasuke-kun!" and was met instead with a grossly mutilated Sasuke. Her heart stopped for a moment.

Her beloved Sasuke-kun, the most invincible boy alive, had been reduced to a near-dead corpse. Her eyes widened as he crawled towards her, wincing as his twisted leg hit a bump and coughing out blood when he breathed in too deeply. His severed arm left a trail of blood on the ground.

"...H...elp me. Sakura." He was obviously in pain, but he made the effort to breathe out a plea towards her. She couldn't take it. Sakura let out an earsplitting shriek. Her vision darkened, and her knees gave out. Sasuke's face swam in and out of focus. The last thing she remembered was a voice sounding extremely similar to her own telling her that it was nothing more than a genjutsu.

"I remember this," she said faintly before blacking out. "Kakashi is such a sadist."

* * *

Once upon a time, Sakura saw her friends hurt and did nothing. Once, she couldn't protect them from harm. Once, she looked at herself with self-loathing and asked the gods why she was so weak. Once, she was too scared to do anything. Once, Sakura was the gentle, despairing princess stuck in the castle.

Once, she was trapped in a nightmare.

* * *

Sakura hugged the Uchiha in unadulterated relief. He was okay, he was alive! Sasuke-kun squirmed out of her hold and knocked her arms away with a scowl.

"Don't hug me!" he growled. He got up, leaning slightly to his right, and looked back down at Sakura. She scrunched her eyebrows together.

"You're hurt." It wasn't a question. She grabbed his arm and yanked him to floor with considerable strength before Sasuke-kun could react and held him down. Sasuke-kun stared in shock, caught completely unaware by this sudden change in attitude. Sakura gave his body a cursory look up and down, and looked steadily into his eyes without the usual blush.

"You seem to be favoring your right side. Did Kakashi happen to land a particularly hard blow on you during your little face-off?" she asked. Sasuke-kun glared at her, not wanting to answer. Sakura frowned at his stubbornness but let him up. As if a switch had been turned off, she gazed back up at him with her usual starry eyes.

"Sasuke-kun, you're still going after the bell?" she asked with admiration. Sasuke-kun stared in silence, unnerved and slightly suspicious, but waved her change in personality off as fangirlish concern. Those girls were always so unpredictable. Still, he answered her question with a stoic response. She smiled weakly.

"...I see." She felt defeated. There was no way she could get a bell now. Time was almost up. "You know, there's not that much time left. Let's… let's not push ourselves too hard anymore. I mean, we always have next year, right?"

Sasuke-kun gave her a chilling glare, and Sakura froze on the spot. Of course, that was the wrong thing to say. Sasuke-kun never ever gave up on anything. She looked away, ashamed to meet his eyes.

"There's…a man I have to kill," Sasuke-kun bit out. "Someone…."

Sakura felt a chill run down her spine at those words. She saw for a moment, in her head, how Sasuke-kun would end up in the future. It was dark and black with hatred, his future. And she had this feeling that if she didn't do something soon, it would happen all over again. Konoha's death.

But. That's silly. That was only a dream. Just a dream. Sakura laughed weakly to herself, only half-hearing what Sasuke-kun was saying.

"—become stronger than anybody else… than that man. I can't just stay around here," said Sasuke-kun darkly. Sakura's green eyes focused suddenly at his words.

_I'm an avenger._

_I need more power._

The bell rang.

* * *

Her ears burned with shame as Kakashi-sensei lectured her. Well, no. Lectured was too mild a word. It felt worse. Behind every word, she could hear the unspoken ones.

_You should've known better. You abandoned your team again. You're trash._

Sakura felt vulnerable and stripped bare. She stared unblinking at the ground as Kakashi-sensei turned onto the other two. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. She was supposed to be a ninja, one of the elite, a protector of the village.

_You don't deserve respect._

"The duties are done by the team. Of course, superior individual ability is crucial for a ninja. But what matters more is teamwork," said Kakashi-sensei with quiet ferocity. Sasuke-kun squirmed from under him, his arm trembling from the pain. Sakura's heart went out to him.

"These are the ninja recognized as heroes by the village," said Kakashi-sensei, pointing at a stone with names carved into the sediments.

"Hey, hey, hey!" shouted Naruto excitedly, struggling against the rope tied around him. "I've decided! I want my name carved on that stone too! I'm going to be a hero, a hero!"

Sakura felt her heart jerk. There was this unpleasant feeling welling up in her throat that told her that somehow, Naruto had ended up on that stone.

_Had._

She saw flashes again. Snatches of the nightmares that she'd been having since she turned twelve. Bigger, older, weary Naruto gave her smile. Naruto dressed in black and orange, his youth muted with heartbreak. Naruto trembling against her body as her arms wrapped around him. Naruto covered in grime and dried blood.

No. No. This was stupid. Her mind was still hung up from seeing Sasuke-kun all mangled, so now it was playing tricks on her. Sakura closed her eyes in frustration, and they flew open the next second when Kakashi-sensei spoke.

"They aren't normal heroes. These were heroes who had all died while on duty."

* * *

Sakura placed her bento on her lap, with chopsticks in her hand. She didn't feel like eating anymore, even though her insides felt akin to having somebody kick at her until her organs liquidated. She snuck a glance at Naruto, who was trying not to stare at either of his teammates' lunches.

"Don't give Naruto anything to eat or you fail," Kakashi-sensei had said.

"Here," said Sasuke-kun quietly, placing his lunch in front of Naruto. Sakura and Naruto stared at him, startled.

"B-but, Sasuke-kun! You'll fail!" exclaimed Sakura, worry written all over her face. He looked at her.

"He's not here right now. After lunch, we'll work together to get the bells. But if Naruto doesn't eat, he's useless to us." Sakura felt taken aback. But, Sasuke-kun was right, as always. She knew there was a fighting chance if they all worked together, and Naruto needed his strength if they were to retake this test.

Well. There was always next year for her even if Kakashi-sensei did end up failing her. She'll just try harder next time.

"Okay," said Sakura suddenly. Naruto looked at her with confusion, and Sasuke eyed her with apprehension. "Open up, Naruto, or I'll shove this sausage down your throat instead."

Naruto stared back and forth at the both of them, and gave a small smile.

"Thanks."

* * *

She passed. She was now officially a genin. A real ninja.

"_You…pass."_

Sakura squealed to herself and ran the last couple of blocks back home for dinner. Mother and Father would be so proud of her!

"_Those who don't take care of their comrades…are worse than scum."_

Deep inside, those words resonated through her mind, and a part of her that had lain dormant snapped awake.

* * *

Sakura sat in front of her vanity mirror, brushing her long locks of hair, humming a cheerful tune. Life was going wonderful for her. Sasuke-kun had talked to her, and even hugged her! And she passed Kakashi-sensei's ridiculous test, which of course, she knew she would, because she was Sakura. Naruto being a permanent member of her team was a bit of a downer, but she would look the other way.

Yes, life was just wonderfully amazing right now.

"Huh. I didn't think I was that much of a brat when I was twelve. I think I owe shishou an apology," said Sakura amusedly.

Wait. What? She clapped a hand to her mouth at hearing those words. She didn't say that, though. Who-?

"Over here, Sakura-chan. Look at your mirror. That's right, over here," said…her reflection. Sakura froze at the sight, and her hairbrush slipped from slack fingers. The reflection waved at her.

Instead of a short, twelve-year-old Haruno Sakura with long hair and pink dressing gown, the mirror showed her a taller, much older Haruno Sakura with tired eyes and shorn hair. Her arms were heavily bandaged, and her hands wore leather gloves. A small smile played at her lips.

"Hi, Sakura-chan. I'm you from the future," said the reflection with surprising cheer.

Sakura blacked out.

* * *

Once upon a time, Sakura had had enough. Too sick of being the one to watch her team walk further into the light without her, she forced her eyes open. Once upon a time, Haruno Sakura, the gentle princess who never wanted to be one, woke up.

* * *

End notes: Yeah, I know. It's disjointed and somewhat convoluted. Deal with it. Also, I know I say it's in arbitrary order, and it may not seem like it now (because it's really hard for me, apparently, to write out of order), but it'll come.


	3. in which sakura drifts

AN: lol. I love how I write in so many different styles, pfft. Shifts in point of view, galore.

Disclaimer: If I had been Kishimoto, I don't think I would've reduced Sakura back to some useless bit character who can only take care of the weak because it's not her goddamn fight aklsfaj;a

* * *

Their first mission was to fetch a cat. As far as missions went, this one was as D-ranked as it could get. Naturally, Sakura was not pleased. Nonetheless, as an upstanding ninja who held her shinobi duties very seriously, she went about the mission with a fervor that startled even her teacher.

(Sakura really really hated cats. Especially that wretched Fire Lord's wife's cat. Stupid pussy. Like she didn't spend enough time as a child trying to lure a scared-shitless cat out of its hiding place just to get claws in her face for her troubles. But she didn't remember this because she was still a child. So she just hated cats.)

Her reward for finding the cat first, thereby ending the team's pathetic first mission, was a pat on the head by Kakashi-sensei. That didn't do much to soothe her irritation, but she made an effort to smile at him anyway.

(It wasn't often that her closed-off teacher would give her any sort of praise, even after Naruto had come back from his three-year-long trip. But. That never happened, so. Sakura's thought-process shorted, and she blinked.)

Right. She looked up at Kakashi-sensei with a frown, hands on her hips, and asked with a stern edge that she knew always had Kakashi on edge for whatever traumatic reason, "Sensei. This mission was pathetic. Give us another one." Well, perhaps 'asked' was not the right word to use. Demanded, maybe.

The copy-nin smiled down at her, though hidden by his mask, and patted her head again. "Maa, Sakura-chan. No need to be so hasty. It was only your first mission. You'll get more exciting ones in the near future. I promise." Slightly mollified, Sakura still pouted and turned her head.

(Stupid Kakashi. Always treating her like a child. A child, a child, she was a woman, goddamnit. A glorious, developed woman with breasts, damnit.)

Continuing to read his book, Kakashi addressed the rest of the team with a casual tone that easily irked his underlings. "Let's do some training, then, since we finished our first mission so fast." Naruto cheered and Sasuke just frowned, but Sakura spoke up again, which didn't really surprise the man.

"What kind of training, sensei? You're not going to just leave us in the training ground without so much as a by-your-leave and go off to read your stupid porn, are you?" Kakashi raised his eyes at being so accurately pinpointed by the pink-haired girl. She always did have that annoying ability to see through him and his laziness—which was not even so much as laziness as it was to develop more ties with people who would end up dead anyway even if he did teach them. But.

He curved his visible eye in a closed-eye smile, and lied through his teeth with years and years of practice, "Never, Sakura-chan. Never."

* * *

She had woken up on her carpet only a few minutes after she saw a doppelganger in her mirror, feeling no different from before and certainly with no recollection of what had just happened. Chalking it down to exhaustion from a trying day (and how trying it was to relive through that shameful and unforgettable day, ears still ringing from Kakashi's cutting words), she shook her head and fell onto her bed. Within minutes, her breathing slowed and her heartbeats lulled her to sleep, sending dear little Sakura-chan off to dreamland.

(Not ready yet, she wasn't ready yet to wake up. A few more minutes, just a few more months. Maybe another year if she could. Anything to keep from waking up. Sakura wanted nothing more than to sink into oblivion forever, close off her eyes and ears to a tragedy set to repeat itself.

_Wake up, dear girl. Wake up, you stupid child. What kind of person—no, coward—are you to let Naruto's sacrifice turn to dust? What happened to that girl, that strong little girl who grew up to be a woman who didn't dare stare at her comrades' backs anymore? Stop being a coward. Wake up._

No, no, no nono_nonono_. Sakura scrunched up her face in fear and uncertainty and curled her hands into fists, knuckles turning bone-white. A little more time. Just a little more.)

* * *

The morning after, Sakura had woken with a splitting headache, clutching at her head with futility. Honestly, why would she drink herself to such lengths if she knew she'd get such a killer hangover the day after. Grumbling and cursing her shishou's stupid habits that slowly wormed their way into hers, she got off her bed and went to her vanity to begin her morning routine. Grabbing her hairbrush, she sat down in front of her vanity and grabbed her choppy hair-

(-not choppy, long, long lustrous hair. Sakura frowned and tried to think things through, hand gripping the cheap hairbrush tightly. She had long hair, long hair, not the short, below-the-ears-length hair that had been the catalyst to her maturity into a woman, a full-fledged kunoichi—which never happened because she was still twelve—so young-)

She stopped, headache increasing. What in the world-

"Sakura, if you don't come down soon for breakfast, you'll be late for your first meeting with your new team!" shouted her mother from downstairs, in the kitchen. Sakura started and shook her head, clearing any stray thoughts. Meeting, meeting, mustn't be late. Don't want to be late like her stupid Kakashi-sensei who always kept them waiting.

She rushed downstairs after washing her face and brushing her teeth and running her hair through knotted hair. She kissed Mother good morning and hugged Father before snatching a piece of toast and chugging down a glass of water, running out of the house, ignoring both her Mother's cries to eat an actual breakfast and her growling stomach. No, she told her stomach vehemently, I'm on a diet, stop being hungry! Sasuke likes skinny girls, so I can't eat, so stop whining!

Not once did she realize she had avoided looking at herself in the mirror the whole morning.

* * *

Naruto was boisterous and annoying and shone like the warm sun on a summer morning. Sakura frowned and gave him a knock in the skull for propositioning her as always and turned to Sasuke-kun with a sweet, gentle smile. The boy ignored her morning greetings and turned his nose away, as if smelling something unpleasant. Sakura frowned, eyebrows furrowing, and-

(-stupid Sasuke, always dismissing her. She was a member of their team too, stop ignoring her! Always so smug, why she'd ought to just punch the boy's face in for all the times he had snubbed her-)

-and stared down in shock at a gaping Uchiha, holding a bruising cheek in his hand. Her fist stung, and Sakura gazed at her curled-up hand with numb curiosity, not registering it had been her who had just assaulted her teammate. Her of all people.

"What the hell," said Naruto dumbly. "Sakura-chan, why did you hit that bastard? Did he do something to you? Oi, bastard! What the hell did you do to Sakura-chan to make her hit you?" He growled at the black-haired boy, no doubt in his mind that Sasuke was the one at fault, even though Sakura had been the one to hit him. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his blond teammate and got up, hands at his sides, resisting to the urge to rub at his aching jaw. That had _hurt_.

"I didn't do a single thing to her, idiot," he sneered at Naruto, glaring at Sakura. Sakura felt her heart sink at the animosity.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun! I don't know what came over me! Please, let me take a look at it," said Sakura in earnest, bowing her head in apology. Sasuke looked at her in derision and turned his head away, moving down the bridge a little to give distance between him and the rest of his annoying team. Naruto took a step forward, incensed at Sasuke's blatant snubbing of Sakura-chan, but stopped when Sakura-chan placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Naruto. Sasuke's just being cool. He doesn't want to show weakness," said Sakura-chan with a sad quirk of her lips. Naruto looked at her in askance, confused as to why she would have such a sad expression cross her features. He shrank back when her eyes hardened and glittered, promising pain, incredibly glad that, for once, her wrath was not directed at him. "I'll show him fucking weakness." Her quip, laced with venom, hung in the air, draping the newly-made team in awkward, tense silence.

And then Kakashi-sensei appeared with his perpetual lazy-eyed grin, and all was right with the world once more.

* * *

True to Sakura's accusations, Kakashi had split once Team Seven had arrived onto the training grounds. He gave the unruly bunch a closed-eyed smile and a jaunty wave of his hand before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Stupid teachers. Sakura screamed at the air for a good five minutes after he had gone, ignoring how it must've looked to her teammates, cursing Kakashi and his now-dead clan with animated waving of her arms.

(Stupid Kakashi. Never did like teaching, and even when he did actually buckle down, he ignored her for the other two boys. Maybe that was what hurt the most. Especially right now, when she was in the middle of reliving her goddamn-)

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan. Since we're not going to train, you wanna go on a date with me instead?" asked Naruto eagerly. Sakura blinked, pausing her tirade and ignoring her sudden watery eyes. Her mouth worked for a moment, and then she smashed her fist into the boy's skull.

"Stupid Naruto! Don't you understand that no means no!" she yelled. Naruto crumbled onto the ground, nursing his wounds and marveling to himself that Sakura-chan's punches had gotten a littler harder and a little more stronger in such a short amount of time. He missed the small smile playing at her lips, too busy rolling around in agony.

Placing her hands on her hips, Sakura turned to Sasuke-kun, who looked at her with wariness. "Okay, since Kakashi's too lazy to actually train us, we're going to spar, Sasuke-kun. Together," she said decisively. Sasuke noted the lack of stammering and blush running across the pink-haired girl's face and took a step back. She was not like this two days before, he thought to himself in suspicion. What on earth had gotten into the girl?

Naruto squinted at the two of them from his position on the ground and pouted. "No fair, no fair, Sakura-chan! Why do you get to ask that stupid bastard out on a training date and you won't let me?" At his words, Sakura immediately blushed and ducked her head, playing with the edge of her dress and muttering to herself, erasing Sasuke's suspicions. The Uchiha snorted; so this wasn't some enemy-nin masquerading as his annoying teammate, just a new way of trying to seduce him. Sneering, he shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking away.

"No thanks. You're way too annoying," were his parting words.

Sakura stood gaping at the boy before whirling onto Naruto and started to throw punches. "You stupid idiot, Naruto! Why'd you have to go and say that, damnit! Stupid stupid Naruto, always ruining my chances with Sasuke-kun-"

"Why can't you spar with me then?" quipped Naruto, hurt belying his casual tone, despite being pummeled to the ground by the petite girl. She stopped, irritation draining and stared down at the bruised boy with a split lip that she had just given him. Why, indeed. Guilt raced through her veins, and she hung her head trying to hold back a sudden, startling rush of tears. Why did she always have to ignore her friend like this?

(She's past this stage, damnit. Naruto was her goddamn teammate, her brother, someone closer than just a mere friend. After all they had been through together, why was she throwing him away again like this for Sasuke-kun who still ignored her? Wake up, damnit, _wake the fuck up—)_

She placed a light hand on his lip, ignoring his widening eyes and unconsciously concentrated chakra to her hand, sealing up his bloodied lip. Sniffing, she smiled down at the stock-still boy and got off him, pulling him up as she did so.

"Let's train together, then, Naruto," she said in a soft voice, smiling. Naruto's responding grin, spreading across his face and lighting up his features, knocked Sakura's breath away and she scrubbed at her face to get rid of that burning sensation in her eyes.

"Okay then, Sakura-chan!"

* * *

The thing is, the human body was never meant to support more than one soul at a time. It just wasn't done. Add the paradoxic problem of two of the same soul in existence at the same time, and naturally, the human body has to adapt. Because it's either adapt to the situation or die. And human self-preservation tends to be a lot stronger when its own life is at stake. So what it does, which is really quite ingenious, when a person stopped to think about it, is it fuses the two souls together. Literally. Not just the memories of two different minds, but the actual souls.

Of course, that in itself was not without its own side problems. Because the human mind is unaware of the internal changes within its body, it does not realize that it is harboring more than one psyche. That tends to lead a person to questioning events that he clearly did not remember experiencing or sensations that he never came across but just was; enough questioning usually led to insanity. So what the brain does as a last-resort is to create a short-term memory loss of sorts of the more-dominant psyche being fused so that the human mind can sustain itself. Of course, there are times when the mind naturally lets some things slip, infallible as humans were not, but it's a painless transition for the most part.

Really.

* * *

At night, when Sakura came back home from a surprisingly vigorous spar with the village idiot, she sat down at the dinner table and ate with voracious hunger, surprising her parents. But if it kept the poor girl from starving herself, who were they to keep her from eating? She looked them with thanks and old eyes, and both her mother and father felt shivers down their spines at the unfamiliar child sitting before them.

When midnight came, Sakura laid in bed, eyes wide open and replaying events. She saw herself dodging punches from a smiling Naruto, saw herself throwing down explosive tags at the boy before exchanging herself with a log with a carefully-timed kawarimi jutsu, smile playing at her lips, and grinned, throwing an arm over her eyes.

Today had been a fun day.

(She saw Hinata-chan standing up again and again after Neji's harsh punches and kickes, saw Naruto staring down Gaara with burning eyes and screaming that he'd protect his precious people, saw Sasuke smiling cruelly as he ruthlessly broke the Soundnin's arms, saw Kakashi collapsing in exhaustion from overusing that forever-damned sharingan, saw Tsunade-shishou coming towards her with hard eyes and a fist closed tightly that would break her every bone if she let it land, saw Naruto screaming in rage at that blasted Akatsuki, saw herself falling falling just falling into a nightmare that she could not stop for the life of her just stopstopstop_stop-_)

* * *

At half-past three, Sakura woke up with choked sobs and a throat raw from holding in screams, eyes old and tired from constant battle and pain and loss and defeat and just-. She held herself up, making sure not to wake her slumbering parents, and breathed in to stop her tears from falling. She ran shaking hands through unfamiliarly-long hair and grasped at her covers some semblance of control.

It wasn't fucking _fair_.

* * *

End notes: Too short, damnit. I can never write long enough chapters, grr. But yes, Sakura wakes up for real this time, oh ho ho. There is a method to my madness, I assure you all. It will all come together, swear. Just enjoy the ride for now, lawl.

And yeah, a review would be nice. Heh.


	4. in which sakura gets up

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto franchise, and I barely have the motivation to keep this fic going.

* * *

Sakura stared blithely into the water, leaning on the wooden railing of the bridge, as she, along with her teammates, waited for their errant teacher to appear. Naruto swam in and out of her attention, chattering on about his day, whilst their remaining teammate stood a little further away from the two, arms crossed and chin turned to the side, emitting a stay-away-or-i'll-kick-your-ass aura.

It was...peaceful.

And it picked at her guilt with the subtle touch of a dozen explosive tags to the face.

(Survivor's guilt was such a tricky thing to manage; it latched onto its victims like a leech and consumed them until only the aftertaste of death and insanity remained. She had known it, of course, but for a distant acquaintance, always the friend of a friend who only eyed at her until she shuddered and walked away-

-until she woke up, already inside the belly of the beast.)

She managed a glance at both her teammates, solid and real as the day itself, and looked back down at the water with a visible frown marring her twelve-year-old face. Her fingers twitched.

Twelve. She was twelve again, twelve and in the beginning stages of her new genin team, stuck with an immature ball of sunshine who thought ramen the greatest thing since sliced bread and a brooding, trigger-happy lump of angst with an extreme brother complex. (It's funny how things change over time.) And she, Haruno Sakura, was once again twelve fucking years old with an inordinately huge forehead and violent tendencies.

Also, her period has just started.

This was such hell.

* * *

Generally speaking, one's reaction upon discovering his or her miraculous travel through the time and space continuum would be to either marvel at the feat and perhaps go on to wrought a bit of paradoxical changes or faint from the shock. (Of course, if one had been traveling with a man in a blue box at the time, things tend to go a little...pear-shaped.)

But, Sakura, oh Sakura had woken up with a headache comparable to one of her shishou's hangovers after a night of binge-drinking and the inconsolable urge to pull out the spine of her beloved jinchuuriki and wrap it around his body until his internal organs exploded from the pressure. And she cried a little.

(Sakura woke up with choked sobs and a throat raw from holding in screams, eyes old and tired from constant battle and pain and loss and defeat and just-. She held herself up, making sure not to wake her slumbering parents, and breathed in to stop her tears from falling. She ran shaking hands through unfamiliarly-long hair and grasped at her covers some semblance of control.

And nothing seemed fair at all in that brutal moment of awakening, the realization that she had once again been left behind by her precious people, by the one she loved so dearly, because they had thought her too weak to continue on and she was left alone in this strange little world that was hers but not _hers_ at the same time because nothing could replace what had been her entire life up until that point, certainly not some rewinding of a timeline because even if she did change everything, it would not be the same because these people would not be _hers_.

They were not _her family_.)

But, only just a little. After all, Sakura had given up on crying for herself when Sasuke had seen fit to leave their family behind to follow a reptilian pedophile.

(She cried for her family, though, her little ragtag group of misfits and idiots who didn't know how to live with each other without her as their bridge. She cried and she cried and she cried until her eyes were almost swollen shut and her throat hurt from swallowing and her nose dripped steadily and her mouth tasted like the bottom of a salt barrel mixed with snot.)

Sakura never did like to cry.

* * *

Seeing them again had been a little terrifying and a lot like homecoming, this little band of orphans who had lost so much and gained so little and lost it all again when their world had shook too hard.

(Naruto had blazed like the sun, and Sakura had felt her throat clench and close up a little, her palms a little clammy when he snatched them up and held on tightly, making sure he had not hurt her the day before in their little impromptu spar; this was _her_ Naruto, brightly burning like he knew to do nothing else, curling up in the crevices of every heart he came across until they filled to brim with his love, his presence. And for a moment, she saw the man he would've been: strong and fearless and willing to risk everything and hardened by war and the bitterness of betrayal that they could never fix-

-Sasuke, the boy who stole her child heart and never really gave it back even years later, who stood before her like the proud Uchiha who came before him, with their namesake fans thrust proudly for the world to see and the flames of power and neglect and greed licking at their feet—she saw a boy whom the village turned into their own tragic darling to parade across the lands; but he was just a child, a sad little boy who had lost his entire family and had only ever wanted his big brother to love him back; and yet, he had been a killer, ruthless and frigid, avenger in every way with hatred as his guide, and she saw the broken little pieces of the heart she hadn't had the skill to fix that turned him into such a tragic monster-

-and dear Kakashi-sensei, the invincible teacher who knew a thousand jutsu and taught her the most important lesson of all that she must always treasure her comrades, and they were comrades, she and him, because she had fought for him and with him and saved him and he saved her with his little quirks that had driven the three of them insane as children, his constant lateness and ridiculous excuses and total unorthodox methods of teaching; and honestly, he never really did teach her much, just pushed her off to the side like scraps on a table for the bigger meals: Naruto and Sasuke, the power duo who could do everything, and she had been weak little Sakura-hime in their eyes whom they all had to protect because she was so frail and tiny and easily broken like a piece of delicately blown glass; but, he was her teacher, and she had never stopped calling him otherwise even after Tsunade-shishou had come to save her from the sharks, and so, she respected him and loved him like a father and a brother and a friend whom she wanted to strangle sometimes-

-and, and, and all Sakura could see when she looked at the three boys were her boys, her children she had sworn to protect and watch, and for a moment, one tiny little moment:

she could not breathe. And then-)

_-and then, and then, and then:_

"Sakura-chan! Boy, am I glad to see you! I've been waiting here for you because even Kakashi-sensei was earlier than you and you know that never happens because he's always so late and everything, so I was wondering where you'd been and then I thought, she couldn't be tired from our training date yesterday could she because I totally went easy on you, you know, because you're a girl and everything! So I was really worried and then that bastard said that maybe you were avoiding me, but I know that's not true because we're friends and friends don't avoid each other unless we're fighting and I know for a fact that we didn't fight because you didn't hit me as much yesterday and I totally didn't say anything bad that made you wanted to hit me, so I'm really really really glad that you're finally here because it would've sucked having to spend the day with just Sasuke-bastard and Kakashi-sensei! Because I like you best and everything and I don't think Kakashi-sensei even wants to teach us, so I'd rather spend lots of time with you instead, which reminds me: please go on a date with me, Sakura-chan because it'd be so awesome and you know we'd have fun together and everything, so you should go on a date with me and not that bastard because nobody likes a frigid bastard like him with that stick so far up his ass and I'm so much stronger than him anyway, so go out with me!"

Sakura blinked. Twice. And tried to follow the train of thought Naruto spat out at her with incredible difficulty; she was pretty sure he insulted her a little along the way, which he was totally going to pay for as soon as she knew _what he was saying_.

"Tch, dobe. As if you could beat me," said Sasuke, sneering from his position by the bridge railing. Sakura narrowed her eyes at him and opened her mouth to say...anything, really, because he was technically right at this point, but Naruto got there first, as always, fists already at the ready and snarl raising his hackles like the proverbial fox that he housed inside.

"What did you say, you bastard?" Naruto shouted before punching, and well.

Boys will be boys, after all. Sakura sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to forget her earlier lapse in admiration—they would have to kill her before she'd confessed any of the sort to them, she decided—and turned to the last member in their team with little trepidation.

Kakashi leaned against the railing, half-sitting, with his attention fixed on whichever Icha Icha book he decided to read today, the perfect picture of a man oblivious to his surroundings. She knew better, though, of course, having spent at least five years in his constant company and three under his tutelage. Sakura smiled at the thought.

"I'm sorry I was late this morning, Kakashi-sensei. I, uh, got lost on the road of life."

* * *

The mission today was to help weed the local gardens of the village's farmers: another exciting battle against the forces of nature. The team had already spent three hours picking through the vegetation, and yet the weeds seemed to almost quadruple under their careful weedings. Sakura wanted to kill herself.

Or, at least, drown her sorrows in a jug full of sake like her shishou would do.

* * *

As punishment (or reward, 'cause honestly, one never really knew with the copy-nin) for being late, Sakura was charged with double the amount of weeding she normally would've done. And under normal circumstances, she would've complained to high heavens and back; already, she was grumbling under her breath about sadistic teachers and the hypocrisy of the situation, but alas, her complaints went unheard. Or ignored, really. But other than the grumbling, Sakura had attacked this punishment with new fervor that surprised even her two teammates (and maybe Kakashi if he was even paying attention in the slightest bit).

The past three hours had been spent in relative silence, excluding the noises and bumbling from Konoha's number one most surprising ninja and the occasional mutterings of Sakura, and that set the boys on edge, Sasuke moreso than Naruto. Normal Sakura would jump around and try to follow Sasuke around with offers to weed together in a certain area. Normal Sakura would smash Naruto's skull in for his clumsiness and constant yells of determination and whines. Normal Sakura would not diligently pick through the entire garden without a single regard to her teammates and teacher.

It was the heat, they decided in the end, the two boys with their sneaking glances and disgruntled growls and sneers. Sakura-chan was just tired and wanted to get things over with; after all, she did have to pick twice as many weeds as the two of them because of her tardiness today.

...Maybe it was one of those womanly things that tended to turn all the woman of Konohagakure into terrifying demons every month.

* * *

Sakura could cry, really. One fleeting moment of poetic nostalgia and she was rewarded with a hot afternoon's worth of garden-weeding. D-rank missions had been a thing of the past after Sasuke had left, and with her skills as a medic-nin, someone of her status was placed in the hospital instead where she could do the greatest amount of good.

But now, she didn't even have the strength needed to be a mediocre genin. Her stamina was disgusting, her muscles underdeveloped, her strength pitiful, and let's not even talk about her chakra reserves. She was really back to square one, and all the jutsu in the world could not do shit if she didn't have the physical strength to back it up. Even her chakra coils were depressing. Three years of blood, sweat, and a river-full of tears it took for her to get to where she had been, and now, nothing. Her fine-tuned chakra control was gone too, which meant most of her techniques that Tsunade-shishou had taught her were useless as of yet. Even small healings took a chunk out of her chakra reserves, which really said a lot about the state she had been in as a genin.

Really, what was it about a stupid, brooding boy that got her so hyped up on over-the-top romances that she'd turn out like this? She chanced a glance at said brooding boy and scowled. Still pretty as always, the bastard. And not a hair out of place; it made her sick.

Still. No time like the present to start working back to her former state, she supposed. Even if the journey was going to suck like never before.

"It's a new start, a new start," she whispered to herself, bitter as it may have tasted. A complete start. Unzip and zip back up, but in a new direction this time. She gritted her teeth, bending down to wrench out another handful of weeds, legs shaking from unaccustomed strain. A better one.

(She wasn't going to be left behind anymore. Never again.)

* * *

A little way off, on the higher branches of one of the bigger oaks surrounding the area, the masked boy sat with his feet dangling over the edge, a blank scroll open on his lap and a dipped brush in his left hand. He watched the yellow-haired boy work with gusto, the dark-haired boy move along slowly, and the pink-haired girl walk meticulously up and down the garden, weeding with efficiency. Off the side where a cluster of trees offered a bit of shade sat their teacher, a silver-haired man enthralled by the little orange book clutched in his gloved hands.

The boy shook his head after a bit and placed down a few brushstrokes on the scroll before tucking the brush away and blowing on the scroll to dry the ink before rolling it back up. Placing the scroll back in his standard pouch, he stood up easily on the branch, giving the scene before him one last look before a shunshin took him away.

Not yet.

Not just yet.

(In her brief state of despair, Sakura had forgotten one thing about Uzumaki Naruto when it came to his precious people: _they were never left alone_.)

* * *

AN: I had this big chunk written out that I had actually liked. And then my computer had to fucking restart itself and silly me, I never remembered to save the shit. Godfuck. Anyway, I've been having a ridiculous amount of trouble both finding the interest to write this chapter and writing it the way I want it to come out. It's been a year and some months later, and I still hate everything I've written. Let's not talk about how much my writing style changes and how it always manages to piss me off no matter what I try.

Also, I love verbal vomit; unsurprisingly, my favorite part was writing Naruto's verbal diarrhea. Oh, and did I mention we had a special guest? Oh well. Surprise! And, yeah, a review would be awesome at this point. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, ahahaha.

This fic is totally unbeta'd, yeah! Not something to be proud of, lawl, but, yeah. Tell me if you find any of my ten thousand mistakes; I'll give you a cookie.


	5. in which sakura works

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto franchise, and I don't even know what's going on anymore.

* * *

It was wet.

Wet and damp and moist and all those other adjectives that described just how impossibly _wet_ Sakura felt. Her entire body felt bogged down by the damp, her clothes laying on her skin like suction cups, dripping water down her arms and legs.

It was wet.

And it was _cold_.

Maybe she could think of something else to mutter in her mind, if she tried, but.

It was _wet and cold_.

And Sasuke laid at her feet, dead.

Again.

* * *

Sometimes, when the wind blew a soft, warm breeze over her head and Naruto would shout incessantly at Sasuke and Kakashi for being the big bad mean monsters that they both were for underestimating him and Sasuke would just give his signature huff and taunt the blonde boy until his ears smoked with the fury of twelve-year-old scorned and Kakashi would just sigh at the sight of his dysfunctional team and turn the page of his infamous orange book with another ill-placed giggle, Sakura could almost feel like this was her reality, the genuine article, and she could almost-just almost-pretend that nothing had ever happened.

* * *

"Sakura-chan, dear girl, you're, uh, not doing your diet anymore?" asked her mother carefully, watching as her daughter shoveled mouthful after mouthful of rice down her throat, occasionally breaking the continuous motion to snatch up a piece of beef or shungiku. It was so strange to see Sakura eating again, healthily, without refusing even a single bowl of rice for fear of ruining her silly diet.

Sakura paused in between scooping rice into her mouth, and leveled her green-eyed gaze at her mother, clearly contemplating something before placing her (third!) bowl of rice down and her chopsticks laid silently on the wooden table. Finishing the rice and meat already in her mouth, Sakura brought a hand up to the back of her neck and rubbed it for a bit, before speaking.

"No. I, um, it's not really what I thought it would be like, and dieting for Sasuke's sake is just something I don't ever want to revisit-er, think about anymore," said Sakura evenly, licking the stray grains of rice off the sides of her mouth. She shrugged, as if recanting her entire life's love was something so easily brushed aside. Her mother raised her eyebrows in stunned silence, and she looked over to gauge her husband's reaction.

He raised his own eyebrows in response when he caught her stare and cleared his throat before setting down the bowl of soup in his hand. "That's certainly very mature of you, Sakura. Can we ask what brought on this change in attitude?"

Sakura shrugged again, hands now on her lap, twiddling away. "I just thought it was time to take my career seriously," she answered lightly, eyes locked on her hands. Her mother almost sputtered in surprise; career? Sakura was only _twelve_!

"Career, dear? You mean the shinobi thing?" she asked, incredulity barely hidden behind her forced even tone. Sakura turned her head to her mother, gaze narrowing, as if she could tell how skeptical her mother was, but her response remains light.

"Yeah. I protect the village, as is my duty, so I thought it was time I really tried to live up to my responsibilities," replied Sakura, still fiddling with her fingers.

"And, your crush? What about Sasuke, dear? Aren't you still in love with the boy?" pressed her mother, eyes wide, exchanging a glance with her husband.

At that question, Sakura stopped her fiddling, and for a second, her mother thought she saw a forlorn, weary expression of regret pass over her daughter's face. Hunching into herself a little, Sakura cleared her throat and shook her head, eyes glued onto her lap.

"I still love him. I do," she said, quietly, as if only to herself, "but, I'm not _in_ love with him. Not anymore."

Her mother elbowed her husband, and he cleared his throat again, both taken aback by Sakura's confession. "Well. We're, uh, proud of you, Sakura, for, uh, how you're growing up."

* * *

It was different, being back in this time, back in an adolescent body unmarred by wartime scars and free of the constant stench of formaldehyde and artificial lemon from the hospital walls. Sakura was just so _young_ again, but all she could think about was how old she felt in comparison to everyone else.

How innocent everyone else was.

She shook her head free of her musings, and hefted the shopping tote higher on her shoulder to distribute the weight better. Inspecting the crate of tomatoes in front of her, she picked one up to examine in closer detail, squeezing lightly to make sure it was pliable enough to be eaten. Pleased with the ripeness, she double-checked the price before calling for the obaa-san running the market stall to bag up five tomatoes for her, holding out the one in her hand to be counted as well. Once the tomatoes were bagged and handed over, Sakura thanked the old lady and placed 50 ryo into her outstretched palm and bowed before exiting the cool shade of the stall and stepping into the bright daylight of the crowded general market road.

She walked down the road, now onto the last item of her mother's grocery list: plums. Nodding hello to the greeting store owners standing outside today, she paid no mind to her general surroundings, absent-mindedly shifting aside and forth when fellow market-goers brushed into her path, hand snapping out to slap away potential pickpockets.

If she didn't think about it, today could almost be like a regular day, she thought. She could pretend that she was back in the early days before the war had started, shopping for groceries before the midday sun hit its brightest and hardest, hurrying to get to the biggest produce sections before everything was bought, unmindful of any bigger threat than the middle-aged women next to her gunning for the same cabbage roll she had her eye on.

She smiled as her ears filtered in the petty squabbling of housewives and the calls for fresh produce and fish over here for only 35 ryo a kilo, and maybe there would be Naruto at one of the stalls, being thanked again for his bravery against the Akatsuki leader and fawned upon, and he'd be self-conscious and unable to respond well to the compliments because of how unused he was to receiving anything close to good grace from the villagers.

"-don't need your kind mucking up about my store! Get out of here, demon spawn!"

Ah.

"I just wanted to buy some oranges, old lady, are you serious? I'm not going to do anything!" cried the indignant, girlishly high timbre of a prepubescent boy who'd yet to hit puberty.

Sakura opened her eyes from when she'd unconsciously shut them in her reverie, and scanned the area for the bright yellow patch of sunshine that passed for hair-ah. Five meters away stood the bristling short jinchuuriki in his customary orange jumpsuit arguing with the towering old woman whose facial expression quite resembled a hannya's. In truth, the old woman looked more the so-called demon spawn than Naruto did, his scowling face barely hiding the hurt pushing down at his frown.

Huffing quietly, Sakura reflexively adjusted the straps of her shopping tote and strode over to where Naruto was, lightly laying a soft hand on his scrunched up shoulder. He jumped in obvious surprise and turned around with an even bigger scowl to ward off another potential heckler, but his entire frame slumped over once he recognized Sakura's frowning face. Opening his mouth to say something, Naruto stopped at the fierce glare Sakura sent him and watched in shock as Sakura teared into his harasser.

"Obaa-san, with all due respect, Naruto means no harm to you or your business. He only wants to buy some produce, and that only serves to increase your profit margin. By ushering him off like that, you're only serving to hurt your own business, and that means you'd have no one else to blame but your own prejudice," said Sakura placidly. Her hand, however, pressed deeper and harder into Naruto's shoulder with every word, alerting him to her surprising indignation on his behalf.

The old woman sourly opened her mouth to respond, no doubt to spit more acidic remarks at Sakura and her demon-sympathizing ways, but Sakura held a hand up with the obvious confidence that the woman will bend to her will.

"Of course, I cannot tell you how to run your own business, and if you so choose to decline service to an upstanding shinobi such as Naruto here, then it is your prerogative to do so. In any case, please know that your prejudiced behavior has been noted, and your store will be blacklisted by other shinobi like me and Naruto. Have a good day."

With a razor sharp smile, she nodded slightly to the gaping woman and dragged Naruto away from the stall, beyond furious and unwilling to subject undeserving civilians to her wrath, meager as it was without her gorilla strength. In the confines of her own mind, Sakura screamed with all the rage she held at bay, cursing the woman to all the depths of hell and the entire village for their misguided hatred and general refusal to see the actual little boy they'd been throwing sticks and stones at even as he chose to love them and fight for their approval.

Naruto only shuffled along her side, shoulder still tightly within her grasp, not making a sound but sneaking a glance every now and then as she power-walked the both of them to restaurant district, away from the crowds of people still milling about the markets.

"You're shopping with me from now on, Naruto. And if people give you so much as the slightest sniff of disapproval, you tell me and I will rip their heads off with my _fingers_, cell by cell. No one is ever going to mess with you ever again, you hear me?" barked Sakura, suddenly breaking the cloud of silence looming over the two genin.

Naruto stopped, and the sudden halt to his motion jerked Sakura from her single-minded walk. He stood a little uncomfortable, arm raised behind his back, hand scratching his neck, and his face affecting a carefree expression.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, it's okay, you know. You didn't have to stand up for me like that. That old lady's always mean, it's just how she is. I'm used to it, so you don't have to make a big deal out of it, okay?" he said with a too-bright smile, eyes crinkled.

Sakura called bull.

"Don't be an idiot, Naruto, because I'm not stupid. I know how the villagers treat you, and it's not _fair_, okay, and you do _not_ have to put up with all their bullshit. But, I know you don't want to cause trouble, okay, I get that." Sakura took a breath and let it out in a huff, hand belatedly reaching to keep the tote from slipping down her shoulder. "But, you're my teammate, okay, Naruto? As a member of Team Seven, you are entitled to putting with my over-protectiveness because this team is my _family_, okay, and nobody messes with my family."

The boy blinked, lost for words. And, internally, Sakura winced because she remembered how she was at twelve, her adamant refusal to have _anything_ at all to do with the jinchuuriki, but that stopped now.

(A new start, it was a new start.

She had a chance to change things, to make things better.

She could fix them.)

Sakura shook free of her thoughts, and grabbed onto Naruto again, this time by the wrist, and began dragging him down the road once more. He followed freely, and Sakura privately smiled to herself because she could do this.

"Come on, I'll treat you to odango today," she chirped, swinging their connected arms in the lighthearted manner that she and Ino used to have before love tore them apart. They'll be better this time.

"...but I don't like dango, Sakura-chan! Can't we have ramen instead?" said Naruto a little later, finally snapping out of his daze, and Sakura laughed.

Yeah.

Let's do this.

* * *

They had a mission today, which, hooray, money! And it was a D-rank, which, ugh, more monotony. Still, work was work, and every little bit of labor helped because Sakura still need to build up her strength before Wave came upon them.

And so, Kakashi set them to work, sitting in the pleasant shade of the surrounding oak trees while their team patched up the collapsed roof of their client's farm in the glaring sun. Naruto and his two kage bunshin helped along their work, which Sakura was beyond thankful for, but it would still take the better part of the day to finish this roof in time.

So, she volunteered to install the new support beams along with Sasuke up on the roof, which didn't strike any surprise to either Kakashi (nodded indulgently at her request) or Sasuke (who only gave her a look of disdain before coolly setting off to his post), but Naruto only frowned, foregoing his usual loud exclamation of the clear lack of fairness in letting his beloved Sakura-chan work with his most detested nemesis for an almost-calm request for Sakura to be careful, with the assurance that one of his clones will definitely catch her should she slip.

(Sakura was at once both touched that he cared so much and overwhelmingly insulted that he clearly dismissed her own abilities so easily, but she pushed the feelings aside because at this age and point in her training period? Yeah, he had reason to condescend to her.)

She replied with a light laugh and a reassuring pat on Naruto's head before heading to the building.

* * *

When they had been children, they used to play games at the playground. There had been the fun, exciting games like pretending to be ninja and saving captured princesses from evil villains (which ended up being reality years on after), the giggly, fantasy games like playing bride-and-groom ("I now pronounce you husband and wife!"), simple hand games, and chasing games like tag. Sakura, ostracized by her ridiculously mean bullies who harped on her forehead (an issue she never really got over, thank you ever so much), had always sat off by the sandlot, building castles (and smashing them back down with her tiny fists) by herself before Ino-pig had come along and taken her hand. But there was always one game she had been allowed to participate in with the other children, and it had always been her favorite, despite her later adamant claims otherwise after Sasuke-kun came into the picture.

Sometimes, when the parents got together and managed to procure one of the older children through judicious blackmail and extortion to round up the raucous kids, they'd plunk down chairs in the middle of the grassy playground and have one of the parents play a ditty on the flute while the children rushed around to play musical chairs. It was always an enjoyable time for the adults, seeing as they could finally get some tiny bit of peace and reprieve from eyeballing their spawn all day, and they had always thought the children liked the game very much too.

Musical chairs had not been a _game_; it had been _war_.

While the adults ignorantly closed their eyes and mind, patronizingly thinking of the children playing, their spawn were in fact waging all-out war on each other for the chairs. Elbows thrust in between skinny ribs (or eyes, if they had included the shinobi clans' children), forced pushing and shoves to the side, the occasional extended ankle for a well-timed tumble, and the ilk. Biting and hair-pulling, though a glorious thing of the past, had been banned, however, after the great Chairs-and-Hairs incident (and the Almost-Lawsuit-and-Painful-Screeching-Mothers corollary that had toppled on top after), though the more sneakier and ruthless brats would often manage the occasional finger mastication and scalp-yanking.

Surprisingly, Sakura had always been very good at the game.

Nearly always underestimated for her ridiculously timid demeanor and pink hair (which, clearly, was a bastion of weakness), Sakura tended to garner much shock when her dainty elbows managed to make themselves comfortably at home with the other children's eye sockets and her pale, skinny toothpick legs jerked out to trip the unsuspecting game participants. Her dogged pursuance of an available chair had been something to be admired—though none of the children would ever be willing to admit it—and she had always managed to find herself winner in each succeeding round.

* * *

Sasuke tried not to be unnerved, but it was just so _weird_.

Sakura worked next to him without voicing a single overture of dating to him in the whole three hours they'd been working on the roof. She kept her eyes diligently on the plywood she was stacking up to hammer, even when Sasuke had conceded to the blistering heat with the removal of his sweat-soaked shirt. Her long hair hung in a messily done-up bun that she held back with two senbon, and she had exchanged her ridiculously impractical cheongsam for a more forgivable red sleeveless qipao-styled top and black spandex shorts. To prevent splinters, Sakura had chosen to wear fingerless gloves, and Sasuke honestly could not help but stop to watch her work because this was not Sakura.

"Sasuke-kun, while I'm well aware of my overwhelmingly gorgeous good looks, I really don't think that rafter you're supposed to be putting up really gives a shit," said Sakura, mouth quirking up in a sly smirk, never looking up from where she was positioning her beam.

Startled and unaware that he'd been obvious enough in his scrutiny for a second-rate ninja like Sakura to catch, Sasuke scowled darkly and turned back to his part of the roof with an air that was _not_ petulance. In his hurried efforts to reclaim his icy-cool demeanor, he missed the softer look on Sakura's face as she watched him pretend he didn't care at all about being caught.

"Now, don't be like that, Sasuke-kun. I was only joking," said Sakura, placating, and Sasuke's shoulders only served to tighten up further because she was clearly mocking him. What kind of new seduction technique was this? "No, really, stop sulking, Sasuke-kun. And, come over here for a bit, okay? I need help propping up this beam here."

Sasuke snorted because yes, this was familiar territory. Playing the damsel in distress, he should've realized it. A sneer crossed his face unbidden, and he turned his head to acidly shut her down once more.

"No, seriously, Sasuke, I'm not flirting with you, I need you to get your butt over here before this topples over," snapped Sakura in a tight voice, and his words died at the lip when he saw how much Sakura was teetering over, trying to keep the wooden beam from falling over the main rafter, and he hurried over to push up at the wood, grunting at the surprising weight.

Naruto's head popped into sight over the huge hole above them, and he surveyed them carefully before calling out, "You okay, Sakura-chan?" His two bunshin also pop into view, temporarily halting their removal of the remaining debris of what was left of the roof, also chiming in with worried faces.

Sakura grunted, making a face, but called out in a strained voice, "Yeah, we're fine, Naruto. Sasuke's got it."

Locking his blue-eyed gaze on Sasuke, Naruto stared suspiciously at Sasuke until Sasuke rolled his eyes to hide his discomfort and sneered, "Go away, idiot. We're fine."

Sakura huffed a laugh, and gestured with jerks of her head at Sasuke to lean the wood so she could screw in the bolts. "Yeah, that's right. Communication at its finest. Go team."

* * *

At late high noon, Sakura loudly declared a lunch break and jumped off the rafter before either of the boys could say otherwise. Shunting off to where Kakashi sat, lazily turning the pages of his Icha Icha Paradise, giggling at every few pages, Sakura called out for his attention, shrugging off the surety that he already noticed her approaching.

"Kakashi-sen...sei, we're stopping for lunch and a water break, okay. Do you have anything to eat because I made extra onigiri in case you guys forgot to bring food," said Sakura matter-of-factedly, hesitating over Kakashi's title. It has been a while since she voluntarily called him sensei, especially since the war had trampled into their lives, and the habit of calling him senpai seemed harder to break even young as she was again.

Kakashi looked up from his book with a mild expression on his clothed face, and tilted his head in a manner not unlike his animal summons, prompting Sakura to hide her twitch of a grin. "Maa, Sakura-chan, who's the teacher of this group? Shouldn't I be the one to decide when you'll be eating?"

His tone was complacent, mild and even, but Sakura took a step back all the same.

(Being physically twelve didn't mean that her timid personality had come back with her. The Sakura that stood before her family and friends now was the hard, battle-worn, no-nonsense Sakura who walked with the command of respect that came with being one of the brightest medic-nin in generations and gifted with the title of Tsunade's apprentice.

It was hard to remember that twelve-year-old Sakura sought validation from everyone as a shinobi, and even if she'd been brazen with her teammates and sensei, that had come only later on after they almost died together.)

She swallowed and forced a laugh, physically adjusting her demeanor to read as nonthreatening and subservient as possible. "Of course, sensei. But seeing as it's already past noon and we have been working for a while, don't you think we children deserve our well-earned break?"

Kakashi chuckled and his visible eye crinkled in what she knew to be a smile, and Sakura relaxed. "Well, I can't argue with that, can I?"

She smiled in response, and turned to call the boys over for break, missing the sudden sharp scrutiny Kakashi gave her at that moment.

* * *

Shinobi did not do complacency. Complacency was a disease, a cancer that spread like wildfire in the desert grasslands, and it took its victims without discrimination or care. It was powerful and greedy, and it ate at the hearts of shinobi who were weak and stupid and destroyed them from the inside-out.

Sakura did not survive through a war to die so easily under the siren's song. That kind of thing had been tortured out of her long before the war had even began, taking her precious childhood with it.

This was not her world. But she would not let it slip through her fingers like the lives of all her fallen comrades had; she had been entrusted with a mission.

A dying man's last wish.

* * *

At the setting of the sun, Kakashi gathered the three genin up and surveyed the newly fixed roof of the farm building with an approving nod.

"Good job, team. You've definitely earned today's pay," said the jounin, privately proud of the job well done. He noted Naruto's obvious glee at the praise and Sasuke's satisfied smirk and Sakura's bright beam, and nodded again.

"Okay, today's mission is a success. Report to the training grounds tomorrow; we're going to do some actual training tomorrow," he said dryly, raising his eyebrow at Sakura, who blushed, and clapped an unaware Sasuke on the back, who immediately glared at him. "You're dismissed!"

Naruto crowed in delight, visibly excited. "Aw yeah! We did it!" Turning to Sakura, he grinned brightly. "Sakura-chan, wanna eat at Ichiraku's with me? I'll treat today!"

"Ah," cut in Kakashi before Sakura could reply, "I need to speak with Sakura-chan for a little bit, actually. Why don't you go and eat with Sasuke, Naruto? Get some quality team-bonding in." He almost snorted at the simultaneous looks of disgust and horror on his two genin's faces, but gestured for them to shoo off.

Sakura smiled apologetically at Naruto and patted his shoulder before pushing him to go with Sasuke. "Next time, Naruto. Go, eat with Sasuke. No, really, go eat with him, it'll be fine."

The two stood, watching Naruto and Sasuke shuffle off, Sasuke clearly walking off faster to be rid of Naruto's presence, which, naturally, turned into a race between the two, and waited until they disappeared into the forest path. Then Kakashi turned to Sakura, body languid and hands in his pockets, subtly grasping a kunai.

"Now, Sakura-chan. I have a question." Throwing the kunai suddenly, aimed for Sakura's head, Kakashi watched with distant interest as the girl disappeared with a puff of a smoke and a broken beam took her place and the kunai's sharp _thunk_. He looked up to catch her reappearance on top of the new roof of the farm, heavily breathing with wide eyes and a sharp cut on her right cheek from where she hadn't been quick enough to escape the kunai's graze.

"Who are you?"

* * *

AN: LOOK I'M ALIVE GUYS IT'S TRUE I HAVEN'T ABANDONED THIS STORY

Ahem. Yeah, I don't really have an excuse for this almost-two-years-late update. I actually just opened up the word doc and started writing like three days ago, stopped, and decided to finish it all today. Which isn't to say that I hadn't tried in the year I've been inactive because I did. But, I don't know. I just lost the spark, I guess. But it's all thanks to you guys that I even updated, really, because I honestly felt so gratified that people still read my story a year after my last update, and well. Here we are.

In regards to the roof-patching business: I have no idea what I'm saying. Suspend your disbelief, that's all I can say, man.

Anyway, thank you for your continued love and support of my story! It's really what keeps me going, you know, so thanks a bunch. I can't promise that my next update will be any less long of a wait because I don't even remember what I wanted to do with this story, but we'll get there. We will get there.

As always, reviews are always appreciated, and any comments and critique are always welcomed. Thank you!


End file.
